Talking about having a wank, you might want some privacy while you drool over these gorgeous photos by German photographer Kai Schaefer. I do love me some analogue porn.

I love me some sweet old reggae, too.

Download: Play Me – Marcia Griffiths (mp3)

Carry On Behind is the only Carry On movie I actually saw at the pictures when it came out, with some mates at the Hammersmith Odeon in 1976. I think it was during the school holidays and we had nothing better to do, though only being about 13 at the time we might have thought it was an easy way to see some girls in their knickers.

I remember it well because sitting in the empty row behind us was this old guy wearing a big overcoat whose heavy breathing and softly muttered cries of “Phwooaar!” made it obvious even in the dark that he was was, er… pleasuring himself during the film.

We thought it was hysterical of course, but I couldn’t help but wonder why he’d do that at a Carry On film? I would have thought there were cinemas in Soho showing films far more conducive to that sort of thing. I can only assume he must have really, really liked Elke Sommer or had some kind of bottom fetish.

Download: Gaberdine Angus – John Cooper Clarke (mp3)

Disclosure have been getting rave reviews for their terrific debut album Settle and it’s mix of slinky electronic R&B and pumping dance beats. It’s quite the feat considering they’re two white English brothers from Reigate barely out of short trousers.

This track is a Garage/House number of the kind I used to dance to back in the days when I could make it through a whole extended 12″ single on a dancefloor without my knees and lungs begging for mercy. I believe the club kids nowadays call this sort of thing a “banger”.

Who needs Pan’s People when you have the massed ranks of the TOTP audience dollies to dance for you.

I don’t like advertising so it takes a lot for me to grudgingly admit when they’re actually good, funny even, and this was brilliant. The Desmond Dekker one was good too.

I have no bloody idea what Richard Jobson is singing about either.

I hope this ad didn’t intend to portray the rock and roll life as a glamourous one, because if it did it failed miserably.

Just the other week I was saying that boys start rock bands so they can attract more girls. I guess they can’t all be Jerry Hall.

Download: Saturday Gigs – Mott The Hoople (mp3)

I’ve sort of vaguely liked Laura Marling for a while now without ever really being blown away by her, but I must say her new album Once I Was An Eagle is absolutely brilliant, best thing I’ve heard all year. This is the epic video for the four-song suite that opens the album. Stunning stuff.

Being only 23 and already having four albums under her belt is pretty impressive too, no one puts out records at that rate anymore.

This song never fails to rouse me, even all these years later. Pete Wylie is someone you’d want next to you at the barricades.