Spike Milligan’s Pakistani Daleks sketch. Complete lunacy from the 1975 series “Q6″.

My philosophy is, when you haven’t had time to finish writing any new posts put up something else by Pauline Murray. Here she is with Penetration and a fantastic live version of “Vision” that was on the b-side of the “Danger Signs” 12″ single.

Download: Vision (live) – Penetration (mp3)

This is a random selection of singles that came out between 1980-81 when I was in my Pale and Interesting phase, think of it as the soundtrack to my late-teenage angst. What they have in common is that they’re gloomier than a wet Bank Holiday, or what I like to think of as Big Overcoat Music. Though there wasn’t a post-punk “uniform” in the way there was for Mods or Skinheads, you could still spot a fan of the gloomy stuff: tight black jeans, pointed suede boots (mine were from Shelly’s on the King’s Road) and — most importantly — a big second-hand overcoat like the one Ian McCulloch wears on the cover of the “Crocodiles” album, with the collar turned up to protect you from the harsh existential winds that afflicted a sensitive young man. England felt like an Eastern Bloc country back then so we dressed as though we lived in one. The McCulloch hairstyle was optional, but that long fringe was useful for hiding your eyes from the world.

The Passage were a Manchester band with an erratic line-up that seemed to change from record to record. I think vocalist Lizzy Johnson was only with the band for the “Devils and Angels” single and her alluring feminine tones warm up the cold and eerie sounds provided by band leader Dick Witts. With it’s moody electronics and pop hook it’s amazing how modern this sounds even though it’s over 25 years old. Good grief.

Download: Devils and Angels – The Passage (mp3)
Buy: “Seedy: The Best of The Passage” (album)

Like current neo-post-punkers Interpol, The Comsat Angels used to pull the “Joy Division? Never ‘eard them before” excuse when people mentioned how much like them they sounded, but “Independence Day” does have the same spacey dynamics and tortured lyrics as the Mancunian misery mongers. A great single though (this is the original version) and that chiming guitar riff still sounds terrific.

Download: Independence Day – The Comsat Angels (mp3)
Buy: “Waiting For A Miracle” (album)

Au Pairs were like a musical version of “Spare Rib” magazine, writing very serious songs about sexual politics and gender roles. But don’t let that put you off, they played a Gang of Four-ish scratchy funk and sounded brilliant. “Diet” was a great single about brainless, tranquilized housewives though all these years later I do detect an annoying Polytechnic-educated Marxist’s moral superiority about it.

Download: Diet – Au Pairs (mp3)
Buy: “Stepping Out Of Line” (album)

Believe it or not but there was a time when Simple Minds weren’t overblown stadium rockers and were actually an interesting (if derivative) and arty electronic outfit in the Bowie/Kraftwerk mold. There was also a time when they were a punk band called Johnny & The Self Abusers but that’s another story.

Download: Changeling – Simple Minds (mp3)
Buy: “Real To Real Cacophony” (album)

I can pinpoint the moment I grew out of this stuff and “got happy” so to speak. I bought Siousxsie & The Banshees “Dear Prudence” single in 1983 and it just left me cold. Admitedly it wasn’t one of their best efforts but I’d been a huge Banshees fan up until that point and the rest of their stuff suddenly wasn’t doing it for me either. It all seemed like so much histrionic caterwauling over nothing, even “Unknown Pleasures” made me want to slap Ian Curtis and tell him to stop being such a miserable bleeder and cheer the fuck up. Then there was this new band called The Smiths everyone loved who just seemed a bit too whiny for me. The only thing I can put it down to is I’d just turned 21 and wasn’t that kid sitting all alone in his bedroom listening to John Peel anymore, dancing to Northern Soul was where I was at instead.

My American wife loves watching 1980s teen movies like “Pretty In Pink” and “Sixteen Candles” (she was at school herself during that era and I think she wanted to be Molly Ringwald) and what always strikes me watching these films is what a completely different universe an American school is compared to English ones. U.S. schools seem to be more like social clubs ruled by the good-looking and the athletic that revolve around dating, sports, being popular (the most important thing) and events like Prom and Homecoming dances which have a life and death significance in kid’s lives.

We don’t have Proms or Homecoming in England, what we had – if we were lucky – was the occasional School Disco. They weren’t the elaborate affairs that Proms are, with kids arriving in limos all decked out in tuxedos and ballgowns to be entertained by live bands and professional DJs. At my school the couple of discos we had were held in one of the classrooms with the music provided by some kid in the corner with a record player and a pile of 45s. There may have been some orange squash in paper cups for refreshments too but I’m not sure we even had that extravagance. In many ways this perfectly encapsulates the differences between the two countries (at least back then): you have the rich, glamourous Americans with their confidence and perfect teeth, while us Brits were a bit shabby and pathetic, making our entertainment out of old Cornflakes boxes and sticky-back plastic.

I went to an all-boys school which meant we were also missing one vital ingredient for a good disco – girls. They had to be invited over from the local girls school and they arrived as these exotic, alien creatures that we’d heard a lot about but had no idea how to communicate with. So the picture above shows exactly how the evening always ended up, the girls dancing together on one side of the room while the boys just stared at them from afar, too scared to cross the terrifying No Man’s Land of the room and talk to them. Occasionally there was a boy with the front to actually go and chat one of them up and you always hated/envied those confident, jammy bastards.

If I’d had the bottle to actually ask a girl to dance I might have a “special” school disco record to remind me of that moment. But I didn’t so there isn’t one. Reggae was always very popular though, you’d have to be a total spazz not to be able to singalong and dance to something like “Uptown Top Ranking” by Althea & Donna. This got to No. 1 in 1977 and was a massive favourite with everyone apart from the some of the West Indian kids at school who were into heavy dub and pooh-poohed this sort of light, pop-reggae (they even called Bob Marley “white man’s music”.) That dusty, skanking beat always reminds me of those days and in my head it’s playing on a tinny record player in the corner of some dingy classroom and I’m standing there all alone with a paper cup of warm orange squash in my hand, too scared to go and ask Jackie Bolton to dance.

Download: Uptown Top Ranking – Althea & Donna (mp3)
Buy: “Young, Gifted & Black. Vol.1″ (album)

Download: With Me Little Stick of Blackpool Rock – George Formby (mp3)
Read: “The Art of Donald McGill” by George Orwell
Read: “Postcard Censorship”