2010 was yet another banner year in my life with the birth of our second child and the milestone of a 10th wedding anniversary. Both caused a fair amount of “Well, how did I get here?” reflection on my part but it was the birth of my son that was the most existentially discombobulating. Having one kid is a big enough deal but two of them, besides all the extra work, feels like a whole different game of soldiers entirely. Instead of just being 2+1 we’re now a proper family which is, you know, a real thing. Finding myself part of a classic nuclear family with the house in the suburbs and the car in the driveway (we only need .5 more children and we’ll have ticked all the boxes) seem all the more surreal to me because I grew up in a single-parent family in a council flat. At dinner time when I look across the table at my wife and children — besides being filled with so much love and happiness I think I might burst at the seams — I have this peculiar out-of-body feeling of disbelief as if it’s not my own real life I’m living in and instead I’m the “Dad” character in a sitcom. But more than that it all seems so terribly adult which is another suit of clothes I can’t get to quite fit naturally.
My dad was in the same position as me by the time he was 28 but his generation were raised with completely different expectations than mine, we had the luxury of being able to put off all that boring growing-up stuff until much later in life and extending our youth with all it’s fun self-indulgences beyond our 20s and sometimes well into our 30s. I never even lived with a girl before I got married at 38 and then had my first kid at the ripe old age of 44 so I delayed it all even more than most (but boy, did I have a great time in Florida in my 30s). So despite having now acquired all the trappings of mature adulthood I still find it odd when people in shops call me “Sir” — Sir? Me? — because deep down I always think of myself as a twerpy young kid with an immature obsession with music and records (though thankfully I gave up reading comics a long time ago), not as a husband and father.
Blogging seems a bit of a juvenile pursuit too I must admit (I mean, can you imagine John Wayne blogging? ) but what should I give it up for? Gardening? Pipe-smoking? Cardigan-wearing?
Download: Once In A Lifetime (live) — Talking Heads
Buy: Stop Making Sense (album)
cryingallthewaytothechipshop.wordpress.com 
Excellent write up! I have the same song going through my mind all the time too (though I never imagine myself in an oversized white suit). I’m 46 (with a beautiful wife), and for the first time in my life a really feel like a grown-up, now that I’m a father to a handsomel 6-month-old.
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Great post! Good on you, Lee.
I’m a 49 year-old father of 2 and still don’t feel like a grown-up dad type in the way that my own father was – I’m sort of waiting for some pipe and slippers epiphany when I start to feel really old. I hope it never happens.
My children are now teenagers and although and although we have the odd difference we still like some of the same music/films/books/pop culture and have even been to the odd gig together. Long may it continue.
PS A minor quibble: I prefer the studio version of Once in a Lifetime off Remain in Light!
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So do I but I was trying not to be totally obvious.
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My Nan always used to say she still thought she was 18 in her head- this was when she was well into her eighties.
I’m 50 soon with two kids who will be 20 and 18 this year. Still don’t know how it all came to pass.
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Hey I’ve just heard this brilliant record by this group called The Who. I’ve never felt so alive and rebellious and wanting to do something naughty or anti-establishment!
You should listen to it. I bet it will make you feel the same too.
The record’s called My Generation. Happy listening!
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Do you have a shed yet?
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cardigan wearing! cardigan wearing! i gave it all up for cardigan wearing! gee i love a cardigan. there’s actually no giving up in cardigan wearing or gardening young man. none.
onwards
x
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Nice post, but please, enjoy every minute of it. My son turns 28 today and he and my lovely daughter-in-law just moved into their first house. It goes so fast.
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Funny and beautifully written! Thanks.
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Cardigan wearing, please let me tick the box ;o)
Thank you again for your blog, it never fails to put a smile on my face…
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