7. In The Wee Small Hours
Frank Sinatra
They say you never become a man until some dame breaks your heart. This is the sound of a guy who gets dumped by his one true love and then finds out she's been sleeping with his best friend. You know how it is: You can't eat, you can't sleep, you drink far too much and you start to smell a bit because you can't be bothered to have a shower. Frank knows what it's like, his singing on this is supernaturally good, he caresses every word as if it was his lover's hand and he can't bear to let it go. The depths of heartache have never sounded so beautiful.

8. Low
David Bowie
The sort of grinding, electronic, industrial funk that General Motors would would play if it was a band, containing the greatest drum sound ever recorded, like someone being whacked in the stomach with a sledgehammer. Bowie's vocals sound as if they were recorded in a building across the street, he seems so detached and far away as he sings songs about breaking things and how pretty his electric blue room is. Mad bastard. On side two he pisses off completely and treats us to some dreamy, ambient wallpaper music with egghead producer Brian Eno. Gary Numan's career started here.

9. 3+3
The Isley Brothers
This family is so groovy their mother should sell her DNA to aspiring funk musicians. The Isleys spice up their usual soulful stew of slinky grooves and yearning vocals with some whopping big guitar solos courtesy of young brother Ernie whose sonic workouts send songs like "That Lady" soaring into the stratosphere. Normally, long guitar solos are my idea of watching musical paint dry but these make me want to tear my clothes off and bite holes in the carpet. Ronald Isley sings like he's been taking happy pills and the majestic "Summer Breeze" is a track of such awe-inspiring beauty it should be hung in the Louvre.

10. The Queen Is Dead
The Smiths
Morrissey is the poet for anyone who ever got beaten up at school or stood in the corner at a disco too scared to talk to any girls. Like most English people, The Smiths are only really happy when they are miserable. On this album Morrissey drops his trousers to the whole of England; he breaks into the Queen's bedroom, dreams of seeing Prince Charles in drag, compares himself to Joan of Arc and wants to be run over by a bus. Don't let your kids go to an English school - they'll end up writing songs like this.

11. So Tough
St. Etienne
This is the essence of pop heaven: A cute blonde girl, two clever blokes with a bunch of synthesizers and tunes so catchy they'd stick to a Teflon frying pan. Musically, it's what the Beach Boys would've sounded like if they'd been born in North London and listened to techno. St. Etienne sing about the England of hot cups of tea on rainy days, sticky buns and egg and chips in a smoky cafe set to a soundtrack of off-the-wall samples and drum loops. It's fizzy and frothy, dreamy and bouncy, trippy and jangly and lots of other words ending in "y". Poptastic!

12. The Very Best of...
Dusty Springfield
Dusty was not only the best white female singer to ever come out of England (or anywhere) but she also looks like my mum. Maybe there is some scary Freudian reason for this choice but my mum can't sing as good as this and she doesn't know Burt Bacharach. Dusty could be as grand as a ballroom chandelier ("I Just Don't Know What To With Myself") and then as intimate as a frilly nightie ("The Look of Love"). She could sing a bloody telephone directory and make it sound great.