Download: London Boys – T.Rex (mp3)

Download: Oh! Bondage Up Yours! – X-Ray Spex (mp3)

Download: Tiger Feet – Mud (mp3)

Even though this is a shameless steal of “The Jean Genie” it still sounds bloody marvelous.

The cheap “psychedelic” colour effects the BBC used back then reminds me of watching TOTP ’round my Grandparents house and my Granddad joking “Telly’s on the blink again!” I guess he had to get some enjoyment out of being forced to watch the horrible racket we liked.

On a whim the other day I dug out my copy of David Bowie’s “Diamond Dogs” album to play for the first time in donkey’s years and looking at the sleeve reminded me just how freaky Bowie used to look and how I was a little creeped out by him when I was a kid. With his bony frame, dodgy eyes, wonky teeth, milk-bottle pallor and outlandish costumes he looked like a zombie in a gay horror film. I still remember back in 1973 going round a friend’s house after school and his older sister had just bought a copy of “Aladdin Sane” which he got out to show me and we both stared at the sleeve photos — especially the one on the inside gatefold — as if we were sneaking a peek at his Dad’s porn magazines, something about it looked a bit pervy and illicit. Sounds silly I know but I was only 10, and I loved science fiction too but Bowie seemed to be coming from a far weirder place than Star Trek.

Of all the iconic images on his 1970s sleeves the one on the front of “Diamond Dogs” is probably the freakiest, showing Bowie as some mutant half human-half dog stretching out across the gatefold like a depraved Ray Harryhausen creation. The original version of the painting was even more perverted with the dog half of Bowie proudly displaying his meat and two veg like a centerfold in Dog Fancy magazine, but when record label execs saw early proofs they worried that some shops wouldn’t carry it so the poor old dog was neutered by having his todger airbrushed out.

The cover was painted by Belgian artist Guy Peellaert who had just published a book of paintings called “Rock Dreams” which depicted various rock legends (Dylan, Sam Cooke, Hank Williams, Bowie himself) in fantasy settings. Bowie saw an exhibition of the paintings at Biba and commissioned Peellaert to do the cover which apparently ticked off Mick Jagger as he was after him to do The Stones next album too. In the end Peellaert did both “Diamond Dogs” and “It’s Only Rock and Roll” that year, though Bowie beat them to the shops by several months and his cover is far more striking. Take that, Mick.

“Diamond Dogs” was Bowie’s last Glam Rock album and his last proper rock album of any kind for the rest of the decade and I think it’s fallen through the cracks in his catalogue between his Ziggy pomp and the Thin White Duke/Berlin era and doesn’t get the attention they do which is a shame as I think it’s a better album than “Aladdin Sane” — though I’ll resist the temptation to call it the dog’s bollocks.

Download: Big Brother/Chant of the Ever Circling Skeletal Family – David Bowie (mp3)
Buy: “Diamond Dogs” (album)

This is great on so many levels I almost wet my pants. I think the backing singers are the best part.

I’m a college-educated, adult professional who has read novels by Joyce, Dostoyevsky and Kafka and many other great works of Western literature, I visit art galleries on a regular basis and enjoy films with subtitles — but half the time I have the sense of humour of a retarded little boy. I snigger at the mere mention of words like “pork” “horn” and “wood” and I can find a saucy double entendre in the most innocent comment. As my wife will tell you, I can’t make it through the fruit and veg section of the supermarket without making suggestive comments about melons, plums and cucumbers and chuckling over rudely-shaped vegetables. And few things have made me laugh more than seeing this on the shelf.

I know we Brits give the impression that we’re all dreadfully sophisticated people who love witty repartee and the intellectual Oxbridge japery of Monty Python but the truth is we love nothing more than Carry On movies and Mrs. Slocombe’s pussy.

Speaking of saucy double entendres, when this record came out in 1972 I thought the title was hysterical, sadly over 35 years later it still makes me giggle.

Download: Little Willy – Sweet (mp3)

(This might help explain the title of this post to those who have no clue what it’s in reference to.)

Download: Teenage Archangel – Be Bop Deluxe (mp3)

Some old groups resist nostalgic rehabilitation, being just too irredeemably naff to ever be reclaimed by the passing of time allowing a new appreciation of their talent. There have been times when, for example, Abba, Barry White, ELO or disco-era Bee Gees have made me cringe with embarrassment but when the dust of youth settles you look back and see incredible pop craftsmanship and forget that you were ever put off by their lack of coolness or their poor choices in trousers and hairdos.

I can’t imagine that ever happening with Showaddywaddy, they were and will always be a rather cheesy novelty act, dressed up like cartoon Teddy Boys in their rainbow-colored drapes and brothel creepers and having hits (lots of them) with limp cover versions of 1950s rock and roll tunes like “Three Steps To Heaven” and “Under The Moon of Love”. They weren’t even as good as Mud who had a similar image but at least had the good fortune to have their songs written for them by Chinn and Chapman. The only good thing I can think of to say about them was that their drummer was called Romeo Challenger which I think is one of the greatest pop names ever.

I’m pretty sure I thought they were a bit rubbish even when I was a kid but Lord how I loved their 1975 single “Sweet Music” which was one of the few hits they wrote themselves. When I was alone at home I’d play it at full blast (well, as “full blast” as our crappy mono record player could manage) and would literally pump my fist in the air to the chorus (oh, the shame) as if it was some banging rock anthem. Listening to it now it’s not nearly as hard rocking as I thought it was back then, but the chorus is catchy as hell and it has a more of a Glam Rock edge than their usual fare so maybe there was a halfway decent Glam band lurking inside their drape jackets, or maybe they really were as duff as I thought. Probably the latter.

Download: Sweet Music – Showaddywaddy (mp3)

About time I did another one of these.

Download: (If You Think) You’re Groovy – P.P. Arnold (mp3)

Download: Teenage Rampage – The Sweet (mp3)

Download: I’m In The Mood For Ska – Lord Tanamo (mp3)

Download: I’m Beautiful Now – Girls At Our Best! (mp3)