He got the hang of this pretty quick, I actually had to stop him pulling too many albums out.

That’s my boy.

Download: What In The World – David Bowie (mp3)

My mother either threw or gave away nearly every toy I ever owned. All my games, piles of Hot Wheels and Matchbox cars, my (talking!) Action Man and his extensive wardrobe of uniforms, plus all my Thunderbirds rockets and Captain Scarlet vehicles, my Batmobile, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang car, and Yellow Submarine, all of which would probably make me enough money to retire on if I still had them.

The only survivors of this ruthless cull are my teddy bear Little Ted and a dog called Doggie (no points for originality there). Little Ted got his name because my sister had a larger teddy bear called Big Ted, though I assume they were both named around the same time because neither of their names would make much sense without the other one, would they? Little Ted is a polar bear and I got him because of Pipaluk, the baby polar bear born at London Zoo in 1967 who caused a bit of a craze among kids at the time and joined the ranks of other celebrity animals at the zoo like Guy The Gorilla and Chi Chi the Panda. Apart from Little Ted I distinctly remember having a Pipaluk badge which I got at the zoo when we went to see him.

40 years later the two of them are sitting on the bookshelf in my living room, a bit ragged and beaten-up (all those fights with Big Ted probably) and probably worth less than one wheel off an old Batmobile, but I obviously didn’t keep hold of them for investment purposes. They’ve survived all this time and escaped my mother’s chucking-out purges because like most little kids I was attached to them in a way that I never was with a toy car — you can’t cuddle up and go to sleep with a Hot Wheels can you? They’re major characters in my childhood and I bet I’m not the only grown man who still has his teddy bear. Not that I still sleep with him or anything.

Download: I’m Your Toy (live) – Elvis Costello (mp3)

My daughter doesn’t want to help me pick records for the blog anymore so I’ve tried to rope my son into doing it. But being a baby he needs a fair amount of coaxing and is easily distracted. He was about to pull out The Associates’ Fourth Drawer Down album, when…

…oh look, a toy car!

I’m sure he’ll get better with practice.

Download: Q Quarters – The Associates (mp3)

Three minutes that will make you feel ancient. Though how the kids react to the records and record player is a real smile.

One of the best things about having kids that the books don’t tell you about is it gives you a chance to relive your own childhood without feeling the slightest bit guilty or self indulgent. I’ve used my daughter as an excuse to buy DVDs of The Clangers, Bagpuss, and Camberwick Green which thankfully she liked (though not as much as me!) and were a nice reminder that children’s television shows once had the laid-back tone of a kindly uncle instead of being your “cool” best friend who is shouting at you all the time.

I’ve also indoctrinated introduced her to old film favourites like Mary Poppins and Chitty Chitty Bang Bang which were as much a part of my childhood as jam sandwiches and grazed knees as I imagine they were for most people my age. Happily, not only have these two stood the test of time but I think I’m more impressed with them now than I was as a kid because I can appreciate what truly top-class productions they are, the songs especially are as good as any you’d hear in a Broadway show and are probably better than they needed to be for a mere “kids film”.

Mary Poppins needs to be bloody good too because it has to withstand the infamous horror that is Dick Van Dyke’s cockney accent which sounds like an Australian chewing a golf ball and makes it hard to listen to great songs like “Chim Chim Cher-ee” without cringing. Luckily everything else in the film is perfect especially Julie Andrews who rightfully won an Oscar for it and, I probably shouldn’t admit, there are times when I think she looks quite, well, sexy in it, especially in that orange coat and white shoes. I think I’m just suffering from an Englishman’s pervy attraction to prim and stern nanny types. Spit spot!

Download: Chim Chim Cher-ee – Dick Van Dyke and Julie Andrews (mp3)
Download: Feed The Birds (Tuppence A Bag) – Julie Andrews (mp3)

I remember being taken to see Chitty Chitty Bang Bang when it came out in 1968 and I used to have a Corgi toy model of the car which is probably worth a mint today. Though the film was partly an attempt to copy the success of Mary Poppins (Dick Van Dyke is in it, Julie Andrews was offered the female lead and the songs are by the same composers) it’s still terrific with lots to enjoy (though The Childcatcher scares the crap out of my daughter) and thankfully Van Dyke didn’t attempt an accent this time for which the people of England are eternally grateful. If he had done this lovely, lovely song might be known as “‘ushaboye Moun’ayn” which, gor blimey guv’nor, would ‘ave bin a bloomin’ tragedy.

Download: Hushabye Mountain – Dick Van Dyke (mp3)

As any parent will tell you, 99% of kids movies and tv shows these days are rubbish which seem to exist just to sell toys and Happy Meals and the only modern studio that puts in the same kind of care, effort and skill that went into Mary Poppins is Pixar who never insult the intelligence of kids or their parents, so thank God for them. Everyone else seems to think all you need are some breakdancing cats and a few poop jokes to keep the nippers happy — they’re not wrong, kids will watch any old rubbish if you’re not careful, they have terrible taste.

While I try and find the time to do some new writing I hope you’ll find this little diversion as interesting as I did. James Cargill of Broadcast talking about English children’s TV shows of the 1970s and how disturbing they often were. I like what he says at the end about preferring to half-remember them rather than knowing the whole thing, I’m not sure I’d really want to see The Owl Service or Children of The Stones again as I might be disappointed and I’d rather remember the effect they had on me as a kid and keep the creepy sights and sounds from them I still have in my head, they’re much more powerful as dream-like fragments.

A friend of mine was convinced that the “Cy Grant” who voiced Captain Scarlet was actually Cary Grant. While I must admit he did sound a lot like him somehow I doubt it was.

And is it weird that I thought Destiny Angel was really sexy? She was a bloody puppet! I also had a thing for Aqua Marina.