The wife and kids are going away tomorrow to visit her family in North Carolina, leaving me all on my lonesome for FOUR DAYS.
So obviously I’ve been on the phone ordering up the whiskey, drugs, and hookers for a weekend of debauchery and fried food.
That’s what the fantasy me would be doing anyway. In reality I’m going to be on the couch watching bloke movies, and the thing I’m most looking forward to is pottering around some book shops on Saturday afternoon. How sad am I?
My wife is out of town visiting her family this week and she took the kids with her so I’m all on my own for a whole week. The single blokes out there might not think this is a big deal but for us marrieds it’s like being given a Golden Ticket pass to live like a bachelor again.
Before the wife left there were a lot of jokes about me living on sausages and Scotch and lying on the couch in my underwear watching nothing but football and violent movies. But I haven’t done any of that (well, OK, I have watched some footie, drank some Scotch, and had sausages for dinner last night — with chips! Covered in HP Sauce!), there’s been no cocaine and hookers ordered in either. To be honest the thing I’ve most enjoyed the past couple of days is getting a solid night’s sleep without any baby crying and having an extra 1/2 an hour in bed in the morning because I haven’t got to feed and dress the kids.
How sad is that? My twenty-something self would be disgusted with me.